Am i willing?

Date : 28th October 2006
Time : 11.41 PM
Listening to : Ni pu zai - Lee Hom
Where : Room (Malacca)

Haih... Finally finished one of the Design One assignment. Haiyo... Teruk la... I only like my first two... Aaaargh... 2 more assignments from DO to go.... Procrastination is seriously killing me... Shall discipline myself.

Neway, yesterday, i went to get Ju and we went to Yen's place for Gubra. I brought my figure drawing there cos' if i don't start soon, i will be killed by boon tiong. The show Gubra seriously does not live up to our expectation. Sepet was good but Gubra? Almost everything in it looks wrong... Tetek berbulu?!?!??! Wah piang... Crazy. It was funny in away... Some part of it... But i think the writer/director overdid it. I think they wanna make it funny la but come on man... Tak kena la wei. Overdoing it. Will a husband describe to a nurse about the wife like this : "Yang tu, rambut kusut masai macam baru keluar dari longkang tu isteri aku..." Wahahaha... It was funny la but what la... Tak kena langsung. Cis... disappointed.... Lucky i brought my drawing and also Yen switched channel. Watched "So you think you can dance?"... I think that's the title. Both Yen and I were like... "Man... I wanna learn Jive...." And ju wanted to learn... Hmmm... Cannot remember... hip hop is it? Nemind... Anyway, i did finish one figure there. then Ju and Yen decided that i would like T-Bag from Prison Break. Wah lao... They shown me some clips. Behtahan... K la... Want Scofield heh? Take la... Hahaha... I do not want T-Bag! *Slurp* What you gonna do about it...*slurp* Pwettry?..... Wahaha.... Siao....

Then i had this crazy craving for Ramli burger. So when i was driving Ju home at around eleven twenty, i told her that i will buy from Malim, in front my hse. But babiiiiiiiiii.... Tutup!!!! Geram. But i don't care... I told her i'll make a turn to the opposite road after i drop her to get the burger anyway from other stall. I did... Wahaha.... Happie wei... My supper at 12.00AM....

Yummm....

Neway, mission failed today... No fear factor day la... All woke up late. I slept late yesterday. I started on my assignment after lunch. Finally get to eat from the shop i always go when i was working with mom...


Really nice one okkkk....

Worked on my assignment then stopped half way and went for Youth Meeting. Today's speaker spoke on depression. wah piang... Darn funny. What la... The youth targeted on me everytime he mentioned on the symptoms of madness... " Yoh... chenli la....".... "Chenli never take medicine"...Hahaha... Even the speaker came to me twice and joked about me should have tell him i got madness and stuff... Waaaa... I also dunno how to answer... Wakaka.... Speechless la...

I came back home and continud my assignment. Sheesh... Finally finished... Sien la.... 2 more to go... 7 more figures to draw... one still life to be completed... Gary's assignment yet to be compiled.... Pop up mock up yet to be done!!!! This really spells disaster man.... Shall i worry? Nah... I shall not.

Looks super ugly.. The bottom two were a failure.. sigh..



These two are the ones that i really paid attention to... hmmm.. i think... Love the red one.

Okay... serious stuff now... Yesterday i was telling juliana that i am backsliding really horribly. I am such a classic case man. I think it shocked even me myself that i would backslide this bad. My worst fear came true!!! Aaah... gosh... But then again, i refuse to deny that i backslide because denial tears me away from God more. You know, i was really desperate to get back on track my i don't know how... Please... my fellow church youth members, i know you guys meant well but please don't counsel me right now cos' i am really afraid it will have reverse effect on me. I might shut myself away more. I will talk to Uncle Ivan or Uncle Philip when i am ready. Till then, I am trying to discipline myself to listen to God. Now i have to find out the root of this backslide which i am pretty sure that it is some sort of a cherished sin in my heart. But the thing is right... i dunno what it is you know... Then yesterday i was so desperate to hear from God that i went to Google and i typed, "God, please talk to me..." and a few came out. I clicked on the one... "God, Please talk to me..." and the content asked me to read Mark 1... And so i did... What struck me most was....

40A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."

41Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"

42Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

Leprosy is associated to sins in my term. Look, He is willing to wash away all my sins... forgive me BUT... the thing is, am i willing? Mannn.... Flesh is weak...

God, prepare my heart again.

Nobody knows how weak i am better than You. Win this spiritual warfare with me, Jesus. I don't care how people look at me now. A Christian freak... Lunatic... whatever. I refuse to be lost anymore. Stop releasing the string. Pull back now. I want to come back. Make me come back.

-chen-
[12.46AM]