Friday, August 04, 2006


Date : 4th August 2006
Time : 1.28AM
Listening to : Inside of my guitar
Where : My bedroom

Okaaay… Just finished watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 Episode 19 and 20. Something very different from Scrubs I would say because, it has a more serious tone to it and I really like it that way… Really. So, these two episodes dealt with stuff that is along the line of “Love”. I know love has many kind of meanings. But it just doesn’t bring forward their meaning just like that. How to say… I was thinking about family love. This is the one that I often forget about. Because it is not very often shown in an obvious way. We go out for meals together, we spent time together and these are just another daily routine of ours. But looking deep inside… these are our ways of showing our love to each other. Today, I had a great time with my family. My dad’s side of family joined us for dinner, It felt like another round of CNY…only better. We had a great chat… we had laughs. And I really had a great chat with my bro in the car. I don’t know if he feels the same way or not but I have always enjoyed and looked forward to the time when we can talk. Family played such a role in my life but usually I let it go unnoticed much to my regret. I am very happy today actually… I told my 2 bros a story from the Bible… David and Goliath. Maybe the story is not exactly right for gospel sharing but I feel that it’s a start. I truly want my family to come to know Christ…

Then I thought about my love for my friends. These people played an important part in my life. Kinda like… What’s life without friends anyway. I like their companies. Actually, I knew that I actually do love my friends when I feel really sad when I hurt them, when they’re upset and when things just don’t seem right. This is the love that I often ignore cos’ I just don’t tell my friends that I love them. I cannot imagine how my life is going to be if I lose anyone of them. I was at the verge of losing one for life if not for God’s grace. If she’s taken away… I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. Really.

Then, there’s this love for people I don’t know. I know it doesn’t sound right. Maybe I shouldn’t call it love but what else can I name it. I guess after knowing God’s love, you can’t help but to love some people that need to be loved. Can’t categorize them. This is the love that I can’t express.

Then, there’s God’s love. Love that I took for granted. Because I know God is generous with his love. And I know I shouldn’t take His love for granted. I don’t know… but I one thing I do know… I really love Him. Though my actions may speak otherwise. *Shame* Sigh… You know… I am so insufficient but He always fill me.

And there’s definitely the love for my church. They made me feel so at home. Never thought I would have so much love to spare. And honestly… I love my church.

In episode 19, something happened between George and Meredith which totally scarred their friendship. When you have so much love for someone and he/she just gives you that green light and ended up hurting you… I feel that’s when love is the worst word the dictionary ever defines. Seriously. So, George took chances and it was paradise but ended up like hell. *Frown* And say… if you love someone that much… okay… like say, friends, family or significant other and you lose that person like… they died or left or whatever… wouldn’t you rather didn’t love that person that much? I mean, pardon me… it definitely spare me, for example; a lot of pain. But 1 Cor 13 says so much about it. It only seems right when we read it. Comes reality, it all sums up to pain because if you think about it, what 1 Cor 13 says needs a lot of endurance. Like say, you like someone and that person shouts at you for no reason, if you really love that person or something, you’ll get hurt and stuff like that and even angry but just can’t stop loving them because love bears everything. For example, family members. We’ll all say we love them right… That is why when we were so darn angry with them over something but we still bear with it because we love them. Aaargh…. You know… when it comes to losing someone you love like for forever (To death of course)…. Love really sucks at times. If you don’t love that person that much you won’t feel pain that much either. Sheesh….

Man… Grey’s Anatomy makes me think! And I just love George O’Maley… Just a perfect inner someone that isn’t so perfect outwardly after all. You know, too much love for people around you is not good… because you start to feel for them and then you start crying for/with them and you ended up feeling burdened and sad and sucky and heartache just by reading the newspaper alone. And this is BAD because I am starting to hate reading the newspaper!! Can’t i read the newspaper in peace?!

Ends : 2.19AM

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