Weird post....

Date : 10th October 2006
Time : 10.51PM
Listening to : Welcome to our world – Chris Rice
Where : Room (KL)

Today, my group members came. We went to Starbucks for research. Shan chatted with me online. He asked me a shocking question. I will not repeat here. Sigh~ You see, not everything that I wrote here on the blog meant something common. I know I tend to repeat a person’s name a lot. You see, if I like that person that way do you think I will dare to repeat that person’s name so many times? Human minds always speculate what they think is right. So will I dare to reveal so much in such a publicly exposed blog? I’m glad he asked though… So I could have the chance to explain…. Here… Let me just say what I really wanna say. I don’t know how to like a person that way. I don’t do relationship. You and Andrew will know la this character of mine… I don’t even know if I am okay. I am still struggling to know if I am alright… So don’t ask if I like anyone. I am a handicap… OKU… Orang kurang upaya… Kurang upaya untuk commit… *Grinz* Even if I like a person… I don’t trust myself enough. Maybe one day I will be okay. I will tell you. I really will…. I am straight okkkkkkkk….. *Grinz*

Anyway… These 2 days, I had been praying for one of my friends. A person who thinks that he is void of emotion. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but I do feel that he is not void of emotion but he is just not able to express it. Well, I have faith that he will be able to get out from that emptiness one day. Good luck, friend! One day the barrier will break. I don’t know how or when but I just feel that it will break one day. Until then, I will continue praying. I hope I will be fervent in my prayers for everyone. Sigh…. KL is so full of temptation… I wished He will take me out of it but then again… I wished I could have done Him proud by being strong in His name… But until now… Haih… I failed miserably… Will I ever be doing Him proud? I think most people thought I would enjoy m life in KL with all these stuff that I blogged about. Can people not pass me off as a typical girl? Can people look at me in a different light? Do I have to cry and moan to really show that I miss Malacca? Will you all know that it is so hard to be a good Christian here? Do you all know that I miss the presence of my Christian friends? I am not discriminating the rest but I just wanna tell you guys that I do miss you people. I am in my mission field. Not as tough as the real missionaries of course. But it is enough to make me struggle. I don’t want to backslide… I don’t want Him to tell me that I forgot about my First Love. I need to go home…. I really need to go home…. If I don’t, I will really forget….

Just now, I talked to Him… I told Him I don’t want to be hurt anymore because I had enough. It’s nothing serious…really. I just don’t want to be the person who gives in anymore. I shall be steadfast. I am not wrong YET. But I will be if I don’t stop. Geng Yi, Hwei, Ju, Yen…. I am okay… Nothing serious. So don’t worry for me. Worrying is atheism. Don’t ask me…. I am okay.


-chen-
[11.34PM]

Just finished my triangle box a.k.a cheesebox as Rin called it…. Sheesh… I hope I’ll pass… Don’t have to redo….

[12.37AM]

Yeh....my assignments got 8 1/2 and 8 marks for the assignments....

[10.42PM]