Melancholy

Date : 23^rd March 2007

Time : 9.10AM

Listening to : (I wanna take) Forever Tonight – Peter Catera & Chrystal Bernard

Where : Mentari Court – Living Hall

Adoih… Half an hour more before meeting. Thank God class cancelled today and also next Friday. If only Saturday class cancelled too but it’s Drawing II class… heehee…Nope… Wanna see our funny Emperor Hoo and the Prime Minister Way Ho. Drawing is the only class beside Drama and Design II that helps me relax. Calligraphy kill me kao kao. Debbie scares me. Fascism…. Phew… I just don’t know why I get tongue tied whenever I see her and I just can’t seem to get any word right. Aiyo… Nevermind…

Neway, fellow Christians… Thanks for your encouraging messages and especially the prayers that you guys done for me. I am definitely okay now so yeah… thank you guys so much. Tse Hwei, I was super de duper surprised you actually gathered that much of God’s armies to pray for me yeah. Haha… Thank Mrs. Chua for me. Now she knows why I’m on her mind lately. Samuel Lee, thanks for the phone call and the debate of who suffers more not sleeping. Haha…I guess I win yeah. Geng Yi and Juliana, thanks for the visit. It was great to see Malaccans. Yen, thanks for the prayers! Aaron, Gary, Sherene, Sharonne, Melissa, Hwee Lin, Adrian my bro, Daniel See and Auntie Tina, thanks a lot for the messages. For those I didn’t reply back, I am really sorry. And Uncle Kian Boon! Yeah, thanks a lot for the call yeah. And now that I am “actually” in your “hard work in school” club, I guess I will pull it through la since you were able to do it. And also to learn not to depend on my feelings too much. Thanks people! And CK, Stephen! I don’t want to stress sama-sama la!

Okay, back to school stuff. I was so sick of Figure drawing. But yesterday, when I went to see my tutor, Zhou You or critic session, I was inspired again. Hehe… The seniors’ works were fantastic. As for Comm Skill Copywriting…It was fine la… I still prefer Gary’s class in Comm Skill I and Drama. Gosh, I miss Gary wei! That day I followed my bro to his drama class, conducted by Gary. Gary allowed me in and yeah…almost asked me to demo to them. No thank you… Overjoy appearance was the hardest to get an A actually. Calligraphy and Lettering. I super takut man. Debbie asked me to modify all my letterings of the giraffe. I think she didn’t really like my letters lor. After modification, she gave me a green light to proceed. She said it looked better la. So yeah… I guess she didn’t detest it that much. But yesterday in my Design II class, Irene, my lecturer asked to see my work. it was done on the graph paper so I showed her. I didn’t know why I bring that thing around also. Still, neway… I showed her and she asked me if it is possible to give her a softcopy of the illustrator format for my lettering in 2 days time. Me..you know..don’t really say no one… so I said can…Then she said she has an exhibition. So, probably she will exhibit mine. Heeeeeeeee………… Okay..shuddup Chen….

Yesterday, I went for a movie with Danny, Zafri and Sathom. We watched Mr. Bean’s Holiday. Beginning wasn’t that funny la. But towards the middle of the show and end, it was rather hilarious. Aiyo…That little boy was so cute and handsome..Probably 12 or less his age you know… His name, Max Baldry. Darn pedo man.. But what was more surprising will be Danny lor… He was practically and literally in love with that little kiddo. Zaf and Sathom were horrified. Haha… After movie, we went to McDonald and eat. We had a conversation there about superheroes and stuff. Then about Zaf’s experience with a thief… Sathom’s being really pissed that his veins were going to pop out… Haha.. Danny didn’t talk much but agreed with the other two monsters to throw me out the window. That night… I tell you… A few people at the lower floor were singing karaoke and it was… deafening.

I have an analogy here…. About me. There is this situation. Something like that apple in the Garden of Eden. And that apple looks really tempting you know but I won’t go eat it one lor…I hope…hahaha… So yeah… I really rather be in Snow white than to be in that position of Eve. At least, Snow White’s apple can’t really kill you. Hehe… Whatever…Dunno what I am talking about. K..gtg…alarm just rang..have to go meeting d. Bye!

Ends : 9.41AM

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Date : 23^rd March 2007

Time : 10.19pm

Listening to : Sad Chinese – Final drama

Where : Mentari Court – Bedroom

Today, both History and Design II meetings were fruitful. We are doing Pop Art for history. Many ideas contributed and main concept probably came from Bryan. More deep and from his, many ideas were given. At around 1.00pm, Sophia, Zheng and I went to meet Li Wen for our Design workshop project. He taught us a few cool tips and tricks for Photoshop and Illustrator. Then we had a meeting in Drama Lab for our Design II Installation Art. Our theme is Chinese Wedding. It’s been so so so long since I last became a leader. I mean… Haiya… nevermind. Neway, I noticed I actually missed having such responsibility on my shoulder. Neway, this meeting was really fruitful. Almost all of us contributed many many brilliant ideas. Really praise God for these ideas cos’ before I actually prayed for ideas. Shown Irene our ideas and we finalized on 2 ideas.

I had a dream that day. I dreamt that I was back to MGS. And I was walking at the back lane that connects ACS and MGS. Along the wy, I saw a big Fox with a horn on the forehead. This fox was super big ok. I was walking with a friend. This fox was chained up and I was like, “A wolf…” and my friend turned to me and said, “It’s a fox.” And then we started running. That fox was chained but somehow the chain was extended all the way to the end of the lane. And half way down the lane, this fox caught up with me and my friend. I turned to my friend and said to her, “Why your father chain this fox up if he will be able to run this far chained up?!?!?!” and she said she didn’t know. Then out of the sudden, the fox spoke to me. apparently, it was a male fox. he said, “You taking multimedia right?” I was so scared… I can’t remembered what I said but this fox became rather friendly. After awhile, he left. I was still terrified so I started running again but then suddenly a female fox ran to me and stopped me . I was so terrified in that dream. Then that female fox said, “You taking Interior Design right?” I was shocked la but I said I dunno. Then she was like pestering me and said I should take ID. Then she left and I quickly ran off. Then that 2 foxes ran up to me again and gave me some food. Aper ni??? Anyway, I told Danny about it and he laughed kao kao… he said must be my mom and dad. then I told Zaf, Amir and Sathom and they laughed like gila. They had the same view as Danny. I dunno la… I woke up being scared but after telling these people I totally cracked up man. Crazy people. Haha.

I was troubled. I was sad. I was jealous. I was being an egoistic idiot. I don’t know since when I started to put down the mask of happiness and explored my other emotions and letting it go wild and loose. I was being unusually sarcastic to people. Even to Zheng and I was crazily sarcastic to James. Sorry people. I don’t know what is happening to my system. And I wrote my journal more often than usual since I started TOA… Just like how I used to write when I was back in Malacca. Just pouring out what I feel and also the emotions that I don’t show in public. I am expecting my “Myself” History final project to be rather contrasting to the Design II “Myself” which was really…really cheerful and happy. I guess I am tired of just showing only one emotion to the world. I mean, I am happy. I really am. I mean it when I show that happy factor in me but I just feel tired la. It made me less serious sometimes. Nevermind… I think people take me as a simple-minded person but I guess I do have deeper side of me that I don’t really like to show to people. The other day, my bro, Zaf, Amir and I went over to Sathom’s place. Both my bro and Amir needed to use the internet. I was supposed to go over to Zheng’s but I was too lazy to walk. I helped Amir to develop his ideas on Surrealism for his workshop. Then he was like telling me that I actually think deeply about stuff sometimes. Well, I do… People just don’t see it cos’ thinking deep only comes when I am usually alone or I am having a serious talk with people. Then he went on to tell me that I chose to think simple at things. Sincerity. This word “sincerity” has a strong impact on me simply because I am really afraid that this value was never in me from the start. I don’t know if what do is sincere or not. If I think it is, will it really be? Nevermind….

Amir gave me a surprise today. He gave me a bunch of really nice flowers. Thanks friend. A tint of nature in my room will do me a lot of good. Lately… I am feeling melancholic. Lately means it dates way back to last week Wednesday. I was having this field trip for Design II with my classmates. If it weren’t for Danny noticing me wandering of myself, I would have walked my way to other places and be alone for a while. But again… Danny caught me. So yeah… I dunno. I just feel like walking off myself. Inside of me, I have two feelings that always contradicting and contrasting each other. I don’t know why. I won’t elaborate. That field trip day, we went to Greenhut. It was a café with walls signed by the visitors. Nice place. Watching my classmates having fun touched a spot in me. We are going to split into different classes. It’s rather sad to be honest. I left 4 notes on 3 different walls. One was a reply to Amir’s note to God. Another was a note to a person, indicating my withdrawal. One was a note for my fellow CD086-1 classmates. The last one, a drawing on the switchbox near the entrance. Interpretation not given. Cos’ I don’t even know what was it all about.

This post is rather unclear. No intention to. Just so happened that way.
Crazy eh? Nevermind…

Ends : 11.04pm