A tree in a wrong forest... I suck in chopping....

Date : 22nd October 2006
Time : 4.27PM
Listening to : Blossom in the wind - Kevin Kern
Where : Room (Home)

Yeah... Just finished watching The Island starring Ewan mcGregor (So like this dude). It was alright. My phone was giving me a problem too just now... People can't hear me speak. Susahnyer... Why la you wanna rosak now? I want a camera! But yeah... nemind la. I can live without it. Currently alone at home. My Singapore friend, Agnes is out in MP and my two bros cabut-ed go friend's place. My parents up in KL... So alone lor now. Guess i'll start on Design One colour wheel homework tonight. Can't go out with Ju and Yen tonite... haih... Out for dinner with Agnes in Jonker later. Sorry guys. Probably would call up one of the crazy people in Rin's place tonight.

Came back from church dunno what time. Didn't see the time. I don't know what was it but it didn't feel like last time until i heard Sarah giggling at the back. And then the feeling of being in my home church rushed into me. Yeah... The extent of missing the people in church kinda like numb me d since i went to KL. I am glad to see them. Glad to be able to disturb Uncle Tony. Hehe... Anyway, most of the outstation students from MMU malacca were back to their hometown. I saw only CK. But those malacca outstation students were all back except for Sin Lan. I had a chat with the 3 kids in church. Haha... They were super lawak la. I was the only budak besar at the table. Anyway, i was rather surprised myself that i told Juliana about what i was feeling disturbed about when i was in KL. She was surprised that what i feared the most before i left for KL actually happened on me. Sigh... What i had proudly stood for here kinda like shattered in within a few weeks. And during devotion i actually shared with my group members what i was struggling with. Quite taken back i think cos' yeah... ini kan chen li... It could not happen on me. But i guess it does. I am dealing with this issue.

I am not using the name of religion to excuse myself from things. Understand that when a man named Jesus died for me on the cross, He gave me everything. And yes, i am backsliding. Much to my regret. Sigh. I am still trying to get back on track but it's tough. But then again, i shall move on la. I wonder what is His next step for me. Hmmm.... Not to worry though. Hehe...

And so, 2 to 3 years ago, i had a problem with relationship. Dunno if the issue was about commitment or not but i knew that i will be happier on my own. Sounds really weird but i think i am not made to be in a relationship. I thought it will wear off someday you know but i am not sure now. Yesterday, Agnes talked to me. Not quite sure if people will understand what i am going to write next but here goes... This is what she said... As i could see now, you haven't even sharpen your axe yet. Inspecting the tree yes.... But you don't even wanna chop it... So you left your axe to rust and have no intention of polishing it yet... Not anytime sooner. It;s like this tree just jumped right in front of you and you were so stunt. It's not in the forest you would like it to be.
Hmmm... It does make sense. I don't even dare to hold that axe cos' i might just stop chopping anyway since i suck in chopping. That tree seems like the right tree but in the wrong forest. Haih... I am not going to do tree inspecting or chopping soon... Right forest or not. I think i just have an unconscious phobia on this particular issue. I think i am afraid to disappoint a person when it comes to this issue. I am so not a normal girl when this issue pops up. Just keep running la, chen. You will do well....

No se que decirte
esa es la verdad
No me ames.....

I don't deserve such care and love.

*I will appreciate it if no comments are made for this post*

-chen-
5.01PM