Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Because sometimes looking back is good

Date : 13th August 2008
Time : 2.51Am
Listening to : Nothing
Where : Room - Malacca

I had along catch up with my bestfriend, YiKwan when she stayed overnight.
I realized a lot of things that night.
I finally told him the reason we broke up.
I thought he knew but he didn't. (4 years and he was in the dark? Sorry man)
I shared with YiKwan about my faith and she shared hers.
I got to know her side of stories and she got to know mine.

There were many things that she forgot.
There were many things that I remembered.
There were many people that she's decided to leave behind.
There were many people I decided to keep.

She said she used to worry about me taking a course that was so different from what we've learned in school. I don't remember that incident but she told me she remembered. We were asked to fill in our career choice. I filled in art and design. I turned to her and I said,

" I am not sure if I can make it".

She wasn't sure too. She worried that I was taking a risk. But yesterday she said, "People told me I've taken a leap. But look at you, you've taken a bigger leap." Wow... It dawned on me that I did take a big leap. I took science in middle school. And I took science again in form 6. And now I am taking something totally different and I am happy. Yes I am. Forget the A's. Forget the co-curriculum involvement. Forget all those terrible table turning incidents in school. At the end of the day, both she and I are happy. That night, I think we filled in each other's broken memory. :)

As usual, when I filled her in with the latest (6 months berita basi) news of myself, she will always conclude, "Wah Li... you are very rational. Hate you man...", Hoho~! Thank you for seeing that in me. I allow you to hate me for it. ^^

We met JiaLing after Mahjong. Kim Kiat drove us to her place. And I decided not to call her but ambush her instead. Lol. We dragged her out despite knowing that she will be having a quiz the next day. Many topics were brought up. One of them were pretty weird... it should be sensitive to me and KK but in the end we just talk about it. It's not so much of a sensitive topic for me cos it was so long ago, like it never did happen. 4 years ago. That was long. Well anyway, YK, JL...don't pull any strings anymore. Give up. It's over and I don't feel anything.

Well, lately, I feel like an empty vessel. Feelingless. Sometimes I feel like a capsized vessel, thinking too much of unnecessary stuff that might not be a problem at all. I just think of them and I know I don't have to. I just think. Like now, I don't think I need to apologized but I feel bad if I don't make myself clear.

Green hugger, I don't want you to think that I am making things difficult for you. Yesterday was a joke when we said you forgot all about us. We know you did not. But last thing that you said to me made me feel like, "Wow... I should have just shut up and stay away man." It may be a joke but for me, it's still a, "Wow... I should have shut up and stay away man." Yeap, it's the same. :) In any way at all, another friend did not make it any easier for me when he tried to make me feel bad. Guess what, I am feeling bad. So just in case you dropped by and you see this, I just want you to know, my reaction towards your relationship is as genuine as I've shown since you told me. It was merely a joke about you not being able to make it for that game. Besides, we know time is running short here and given any other people, things will still be the same. Just thought I might as well just spill it here because I don't want you to think I am not being supportive and all. You should know more than other people that I would have supported you even if others don't. Anyway, you know me well enough. I need not explain further. I rest my case. :)

Okay, I am all good now. I hate the possibilities of misunderstanding. It's messier than having my dog puke all over the floor. Well, anyway... I love this photo I took. I think it's perfect for a postcard. And yes, I am in a perasan mood now. And just let me cos Hazmer's work is going to be hectic soon. I was so laid back lately. And now I need something to remind myself that I am productive and not a fungus collector at home. T_T



senorita.. said...

how's YiKwan n the others doing? has been ages since i last talked to her...

u take care too

Chen said...

:) She's doing good. The rest too. Met Andrew, Shan, Mel and Ngan the other day. Meeting Lilian and also Thye Chuan somewhere this week. You take care too ok?