I am not okay.

Control freak

Date : 7th Feb 2011
Time : 11.51AM
Where : Melaka
Listening to : the fan spinning

Must be weird why I decided to blog here. Sigh. This is too hard. I am a control freak. And it took me 25 years to realize that.

-chen-

RELOCATING

Helloe guys!

I am relocating my blog to TUMBLR. Follow me on twitter for updates IF I do get the blog updated. Hahahaha!

*I'm gonna miss this blog but who knows I might just blog here from time to time eh? XD*

-chen- 

Foolish idiot.

Date : 3rd November 2009
Time : 9.52PM
Listening to : Came to my rescue - Hillsong
Where : Room - Bandar Utama

I don't know how the heck I can endure this long. It's never easy. You. Yes YOU. Coward. Shallow. Irresponsible. And I have no idea how I can still stand you and bloody sayang you this much. Yes You. Only you. Stupid idiot. You cannot counter affection with hate. So stop trying to make me hate you. It's futile. If it works I would have hated you a long time ago and not watched your back all these while. You stupid crazy fool!!!!!!! So sooooooooooo foolish. Can't you do this the proper way? Must you try to be hurtful? Yer! Where got people so foolish one! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

No. I am not even close to being mad at you now. Nothing is worth losing a friend. Pity. It' your call if you can accept the situation or not.

-chen-

[10.13PM]

This is one point of my life where i feel that my life is out of control. So much contradiction. So many things based on a lie I'm feeding myself everyday. And yet all these while, I know lies will never set me free.

I moved

Date : 10th October 2009
Time : 10.16PM
Listening to : Backpacking Around Europe - Yuna
Where : Room - Bandar Utama

Yeap, I moved to BU. So you won't see me blogging from Room - MC anymore. Had a tough time packing everything up and a tough time watching people leave. Pretty lonely here in BU I must admit.

Work was alright. Haven't gotten myself busy yet. Hung out with Dee yesterday along with Hong, Fadzil and Uncle Kennie. :) It was great meeting them. And nice stay over at Dee's place last night.

I've been occupying myself with work and think less of other things. No one to hang out around here so just go to work and come back and sleep. And keep to the unusual time of sleeping before 1AM during work days. XD Weird eh?

Yeah yeah..this blog is dead. There are many things that I wanted to say but I don't think it's fitting for anyone to know. So I tend to write more in the other blog. So bear with the silence for a while more. I shall get back to blogging, soon? If there's anything interesting la that is.

Talking bout interesting, I haven't even blog about my grad camp yet. Haha. See la how. Ta!

-chen-
[10.22PM]

GGAHHHHHHHHHHH

Date : 19th September 2009
Time : 5.10PM
Listening to : UP soundtrack - Married Life by Michael Giacchino
Where : Room - MC

Gaahaahhhh! I know! It's been so long since I last blogged here. Sometimes I do randomly dropped some thoughts down at Tumblr. But neway... graduated for about a month edi. Everything went well. One of these days when I have the time and energy I might just post up some photos of the whole grad campaign. Fuh. Thank God it's over.

Gonna start work in another 2 weeks. Will be working in Immerse. Ogilvy and Mather actually called up but I had to decline. I don't think I wanna start off in a big company. Don't ask me why k. I feel more comfy with something smaller and tight knitted. Dee got the job though! XD

Guess this will be my last post in Mentari Court. I am all set to move out by next week. I am already missing most of my friends who left. Lately hung out only with male friends. No more girl friends around Mentari. X.X! And for 2 weeks in a row I had Wednesday movie session with Zafri and Sathom. Amir joined us this week. It was so hilariously fun.

I was annoyed on Thursday. GAH! But you know, I dunnoe wtheck is wrong with me I went ahead and purchased it anyway. x.x! Darn...babi...semacam. Kla! I gt pack! Ta!

-chen-
[5.17PM]

Do you know...?

...that I have so many things to say to you but I just can't get it off my chest.

...that I actually felt jealous and yet I said things that totally contradict with what I feel.

...that I felt disgusted with myself for being in this situation.

-chen-
[6.05PM]

let's go

Date : 17th August 2009
Time : 10.46PM
Listening to : I live my life for you - Bon Jovi
Where : Room - MC

Okay chen, you heard him. Let's go. Don't loiter around. You're obviously not thinking right. Goodnight people.

-chen-
[10.56PM]

After all

Date : 15th August 2009
Time : 9.41AM
Listening to : After All - Collective Soul
Where : Room - MC

Ah...Keeping myself super busy so I won't think about things that will evoke unnecessary emotion.

We steal to lose every colour
From the sky
Then crawl as a child
While the shadows burn our eyes

We know there's no longer shine
On this burned out rainbow

Lately it seems we've been chasing
What times resolved
Maybe something means nothing here
After all

Whispers are now screams
This conclusion never ends
My pride with your kiss
Even angels cant defend

We know were running head on
Into our confusion

Still we hide safe behind these crumbled walls
Cause we know there's nothing here after all

After All - Collective Soul

God, will I remain like this forever? Please let me know. sigh... I am tired to be in this never ending circle. Don't think I can even cry anymore.


Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know

-chen-
[10.01AM]

One day I'm going to crash like a trainwreck.

Date: 6th August 2009
Time : 6.15AM
Listening to : Bro's snoring
Where : Room - MC

6AM weiiii....... Been so so sooooooooo busy for the past few weeks. I didn't even have the time to rest. I was at William's printing shop everyday from 10AM to 8PM for the whole last week. And I hardly even get o sleep for the past couple of days. I am like a train that's going to crash one day if i continue working like this. I honestly feel that I might just break laaaa...... I cannot work like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I don't have a choice and I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!

I must be the worst president alive.

-chen-

Yes, I can miss someone that I meet everyday.

Date : 24th July 2009
Time : 1.20AM
Listening to : Nothing
Where : Room - MC

I actually felt alarmed. Maybe you were angry or maybe you were just so upset. Still, it's pretty scary to see such statement. Aih...

And people, it was a question. Can you miss someone you meet everyday?? Yes you can actually. I see both the vice presidents almost EVERYDAY. And even in their presence I still feel this contradicting feeling of missing them. Especially Sathom. Cos it's like meeting them as co-worker. Not friends. SO work concerned. It's very very different. It's all about work and you don't really sit down and catch up with them as friends anymore.

And my MM classmates. I hardly see them. Sheesh. Only Selvia. I miss them terribly today. It's pretty much a gloomy day for me. A sudden pang of realization hit me today. They are going to leave and I can't do much about it. So sad. And today working at William's Printing place with Julianto and Sathom was like so sad also. Cos' it's so work related and everything. Aih.... And can you believe I actually missed having Kelvin's annoying rant?

My...this is going nowhere. Sigh...

-chen-
[1.32AM]

The BOX photography session!

Date : 20th July 2009
Time : 12.33AM
Listening to : My youngest bro snoring
Where : TV Room - Malacca

Can you believe it??? One more month from now the graduation exhibition will be launched~! And I have so little tiiimeeee! Neway, we had some crazy time at the school's photography studio. Supposed to take individual photos but after that we went mad. o.O!

Awww... A happie family...

But somehow our richest member died...T_T And you can see how gleeful the back row ppl were.

Now you can see whyyyyy~! They wanted the BOX! It's our inheritance!

But akhirnya dimenangi oleh our photographer cum model ANTM together with...erm...NERD.

LOL! Julianto's face was so funny.

Acting seductive. Total fail for me. AHAHAHAHA!

Err..pardon the boys...

Selvia and I supposed to take photos together but all these tiang lampu die die also wanna masuk inside. We decided to make them the background. But obviously Sathom wanted to be seen la.

Multimedia family. Complete!

Lol..crazy ppl.. I will miss u guys!

Our cute little princess Wahyury a.k.a Leia

Now you know who's the party queen... 0.o"

*Grinz*

One small happie family...

Pardon Tanyus...I dunnoe what she was trying to reach for but whatever it was, Chris wasn't that keen to be there... LOL.

I love this picture. Edited by Nian Xing. XD

Like some horror family portrait with 2 hantus underneath the stools....

Same as the tiang lampus picture... Only extra tiangs only... =.=!

Hehehe... We had fun and I'll miss them so much when we graduate.

-chen-
[12.57AM]

Mak random

Date : 11th July 2009
Time : 10.31PM
Listening to : Better - Tom Baxter
Where : Zheng's Room - MC

Aih, so many things to write about but i dunnoe where to start. Just got back from Batch61&65's Graduation Ceremony. I felt so awkward wearing a dress there. Utterly foolish looking I feel. Especially when I was having lunch before going for the ceremony. Didn't really have much choice but to go cos' Chris and I were to receive an award each. Thank God I had her as companion at the same table. But I followed Liyana, Yoshiki and Clarissa there. But I lunched with Zheng, Zaf and also Kelvin. So freakin funny la during lunch cos we were playing this stupid question game. 

----------------------------------------Internet Down-----------------------------------------
Date : 13th July 2009
Time : 10.56AM
Listening to : Nothing
Where : Room - MC

But anyway, enough about the ceremony. My laptop crashed again yesterday. T_T But nothing much inside the lappie so it wasn't that bad la. I went for an in terview last Thursday. Hmmm... I don't think I did that well la. Initially, I felt rather bad about it because I think I may have give them a wrong impression. But after that, I decided that perhaps it's just not the right place for me to be. And it is not what I really want to do. But it is a really good agency. I am not too sure if I will be called back for a second interview but I am fine either way. Then on Friday, I met up with another agency's managing director in Starbucks. He interviewed me last term. And he offered me a job. He was really nice and he explained the job scope for me and really laid everything out in the open so that I know what I'll get myself into. And yeah, it fits what I am looking for. And I think it's a place where I could really learn from. I am not saying I can't learn from other places but the impression that I get from this agency is that I won't have to be in the rat race upon graduation. I really don't think I want to compete at this stage. I seriously have a lot of things to pick up from the industry people. And I want to learn because I want to learn. I don't want to be in a place that I need to learn because I know people expect me to learn. I really don't think it is healthy to learn like that. Okay, too much of a learn word. I don't know if you people understand what I am trying to put forth. But I've yet to accept any job offer yet. 

And yeah, life had been hectic. Still is. Haunted by weird dreams and graduation campaign. It's just so weird having all these dreams. Sheesh. Anyway, I really hope to go back to Malacca next week. I need some peace and tranquility~ *birds chirping* Ahem.. Ok neway... I miss you guys back in Malacca. Hope to see you people soon especially MGC-ians!

-chen-

[11.12AM]

36 hours of sleeplessness + driving = you have no idea....

Date : 29th June 2009
Time : 1.31AM
Listening to : Nothing
Where : Living Hall - Tanyus' Place

Haiiiiih~ What a weekend. We received news from Urbanscapes committee that they're releasing a booth for us to do fundraising. It was 11.30PM, Friday when we received the news and Urbanscapes was on Saturday. That means it was the next day la. t was such a rushed decision. The presidents and PR head discussed the issue online. TAKE IT or NOT? We decided we should since we were going to Urbanscapes anyway. Just that the plan changed to working there instead of you know... have a more relaxed trip. 

So what happened was, I packed up, borrowed Zaf's car, picked Julianto, Wahyu and Sathom at around 1.00AM and sped off to Ampang with Fadzil leading the way. We reached Dee's place at around 2.30AM. Went off for supper at McD till 3.00AM. Then we went bac to Dee's place, worked around the clock till 8.00AM. Freshened up and went off to KLPAC at9.00AM.

I drove one car and Fadzil drove another. Julianto and Sathom followed my car. And we got lost cos Fadzil's car was blocked by a truck and I lost track of his car. Sigh..again. Anyway, we managed to find our way after 45 minutes I think.

The event started from 10AM to 12AM. The 3 of us decided that we will stay until 5.00PM max. We didn't sleep the whole night and we felt that it was unwise to stay on till night. But... haih...we ended up staying till 8.30PM. We promoted our batch and graduation and everything. Urbanscapes is so fun la but we didn't have the chance to see things cos we were kinda stuck in our booth. We managed to catch a glimpse of some performances though.

Anyway, we packed up and left at 8.30PM. By then, I officially did not sleep for 35 hours or more already. Same goes for Julianto and Sathom. I thnk they stayed up longer than me. And so I had to drive home the same ppl back. And I got lost. AGAIN. I am certified not a KL person. I was so tired and my brain wasn't functioning due to the lack of sleep.

I must stress that I am usually not a reckless driver. But in KL, I am. I seriously am cos there are just too many things going on. And that night, coupled with the lack of sleep, I was seriously putting ppl's lives in danger. I almost bang ppl along the way. I couldn't concentrate and everytime I stopped at the red light, i will doze off and Sathom had to keep me awake. Yeah... I know...what the heck right? Sigh. So as we finally went the right way, Sathom just kept talking to me. I think he attempted to keep me awake. As we made a Uturn back to Julianto's house, I had a minor accident with the divider. Jolted everyone. X...X! Sigh. I safely dropped Julianto and Wahyu home after that.

Lepas tuuu, I dropped Sathom back at his place. Near Summit. Then when I drove back home, I drifted off a little and almost crashed the bridge divider. Thank God I realized it just in time. Oh my goodnesss... So scary la ok. Then when almost reaching home, I was so sure there weren't any cars la. So when I drove out to the junction, a motorcyclist crashed into me. I was so shocked. I kept apologizing, he kept apologizing. And since no one got hurt, we just went away. Thank God everyone was alright. 

By the time I reached home, I wanted to just drop dead on the bed and sleep. But I had to shower cos I felt so sticky and dirty la. I lost balance while walking 2 times and that kinda scared my bro. So after I showered, I went back to his room. He straight away off the light and made me go to bed. =.=! Which I did after...hehe...I counted the money. LOL.

Okla...Anyway, everything was good. And I'm sorry if Ive made anyone worried. But it's not like I had a choice la ok. And I am not a workaholic. Things just happen to be that way. Anyway, I gtg. I have another gallery thing tomorrow. Nite.

-chen-

[1.55AM]

Befrienders and Jean Nie

Date : 15th June 2009
Time : 10.26AM
Listening to : Still - Hillsong
Where : Bro's Room - MC

And so yesterday I took a bus back to Sunway at 4.30PM. The bus was supposed t leave at 4PM. Sheesh. Then train was delayed so I kinda reached home at around 8.00PM. Then had dinner with zheng, bro, zaf and Kelvin. So tiring. Had a meting with Sathom and Julianto until around 12.45AM I think. Then I went to bed. Woke up at 5.30AM. Took a bath and started working on befriender's quick visual. Not quick at all. =.=! I don't think I can really make "quick visual" because this took me 4 hours la dey! Quick visual supposed to be like prob one hour one. And I took 4 hours for one freakin page. No wonder I am so behind time for FPS. Grrrrrr~!


I think it's to textly. =.=! I hope I don't make a stressful person more stressed up when they visit this site. Oh my...

And prob he's right. I am really not sleeping right. Attempts to wake up every 2 hours definitely make me more tired than I already am. Oh, and I finally got in touch with Jean Nie. So MGSS fellows... September gathering was suggested by JN. Let me know kay if u guys are interested to meet up.

It's funny how she took Multimedia in MMU and now an Art Director in Singapore. What are the chances that we took the same line of course huh? *Grin*

-chen-
[10.28AM]

geez... This is sick...I was jealous?? I mean, really? Oh my goodness. Time to slap myself and wake up, Wtheck... Aaargh...

Sigh~

Date : 13th June 2009
Time : 1.01PM
Listening to : D'Masive - Cinta ini membunuhku
Where : Bro's room - Malacca

Yesterday, the board members had a meeting and our main agenda was the art directions. Got pretty frustrated at one point because most of the time we get ppl who just shoot down some suggestions but constructive feedback was relatively low. It's not that I enjoy walking upfront and release my frustration by erasing the earlier discussion and brushing kel off in the process (sorry kel). But we were kinda going nowhere if we don't give constructive feedback. Even ridiculous suggestions are fine but not just plain keeping quiet and we don't know what was going on in your head. And then when everything is over, then some of us might get it from another source that some people are unhappy and all. Its not easy and almost impossible to please everyone la. I kinda eccepted this fact already. But it's not like we're not trying you know.At the very least, I hope that our own board members will let us know if they really think something is not working right. Any constructive feedback will help. Sigh...

And after the meeting, had lunch with some of them and then drove zheng to the post ofice to get her stuf. Then hung out at the gallery with wahyu and zheng before mom and dad came and pick me up. On the way back malacca, it was really a good feeling. The orange biscuit was setting and it felt great to be home.

Right now, I am jugling betwen fps and grad camp. A little while from now, i will be off to youth meeting. Sigh... Time is so little.

-chen-
[1.20PM]

Lot10 survey day

Date : 12th June 2009
Time : 12.29AM
Listening to : My own typing
Where : Bro's Room - MC

What a day... T_T I had replacement class from 10-1PM today. Supposed to leave for Lot10 at 1.30pm with some committee members to check the area out. Mana tau I actually have another replacement class at 2PM. =.=! So delayed till around 3PM then Chris fetched us to Lot10. Macam tour guide pulak tu. SO yeah... We surveyed the area for our next bazaar.

And since it was raining and we can't go anywhere else, we sat down in DOME cafe and brainstormed for some strategies to attract more customers and also planned out what can be done with te oversized tees. I personally don't mind the s size right now. It feels pretty comfortable. But girls tend to like baby tees instead.

Anyway, went back home with public transport. Monorail was crazily packed. Francisca, Sathom, Julianto, Deny and I almost got flattened. =.=! Luckily ventilation was good. After we stopped at Sentral, I went my separate way and took KTM home instead. The rest took bus.

When I reached home, I checked my mail, the forum and batch68 blog. Then I wanted to take a nap. But Kel and Danny came over to drag me outta bed for dinner. But I die die also dowan. I needed to sleep. I wanted to take a short nap so I can wake up for the art direction online meeting. But I kinda "died" on my bed. I hutang tidor like sial liddat. Although the night before I slept a lot, but still, I couldn't cover back the hutang. Hahahahaa... I missed the meeting. Sathom didn't call me. T_T Perhaps cos he knew I kantoi d.

So I ended up not having any lunch or dinner. I woke up at 11.30PM. Took a bath and took my dinner. Kel they all bought for me. So very nice of them la. I said I wanted ayam penyet and terus ada ayam penyet. Thanks yea zaf, zheng, kel and danny! :)

All in all, the progress for Grad campaign isn't that bad. I have faith that God will make our path straight. Keep us in prayers. Thanks!

And I am coming back tomorrow. I don't think I have the time to hang out though.

-chen-
[12.39AM]

A long weekend at Bijou Bazaar

Date : 7th June 2009
Time : 10.19PM
Listening to : We will dance - Steven Curtis Chapman
Where : Bro's Room - MC

It was a terribly TIRING, HECTIC, BUSY, ENERGY-DRAINING weekend. My batch had our first fundraising activity in Bijou Bazaar this weekend. On Thursday, I worked with some of the students on the paper bags for our bazaar. We are going green so we decide not to use plastic bags. :) I started from 2pm to around 5.30PM. After that, I rushed off to meet my internship client, Befrienders. We left pretty early to find the place. Met the client officially at 7PM. Lasted till about 8 to 8.30. then went back sunway, packed up, dinner and then off to Dee's place. Supposed to start on the notebook production there. But due to miscommunication, some stuff got mixed up. So I had to travel from Ampang all the way to Sunway to retrieve the stuff. =.=! At 12.00AM. Thank God for Fadzil. Then Sel and I worked ont he notebook covers. I slept pretty early that day. At 4.00AM.

Woke up at 8.30AM. Went to school at 9.00AM to conduct the board meeting for Grad campaign. After that start to work on the notebook further. Some of the members continued to work on paperbags. Handed the work over to Sathom at 3.00PM and went to class. Then one hr later, we were dismissed. Met Uncle Kenny and we had a crazy talk. Hahaha. Then went to meet up with the rest of the members in the printing shop and continued to rush on the stuff for the next day. Reached home at about9.00PM. Actually I went back Sel's place. Took a nap of one hr or so. Then Fadzil came and we did some silkscreen board for the tees. I slept for 2 more hours. Then lasted the whole night till 6.45AM. Then set out with Nesia to pick Sathom and met Jon at school.

Went to Bijou Bazaar at Bangsar.



Got lost there. Prayed darn hard and somehow we managed to find our way back. And then set up the bazaar stuff. On saturday, I was at the bazaar from 8.30AM to 7.30PM. So very tiring and I knelt down most of the times. So know got blue blacks and all already. The bazaar was fun although sales were really slow. I really had fun with everyone. Laughed and wanna die also cos so tired.

So panas la that morning. This is Prakash. Our Caricature guy.

We took only one booth lor. But we have 3 car loads as full as this. Seems like we're having 5 booths. =.=!

Having some crazy moments while waiting for the Bungalow to open. Julianto, the vice President scolding us. Ehehehe...

Drama Queen. -.-!

Setting up the place

Love the settings and everything. That's Nesia and Sam at work.

Silkscreen! Ehehehee. It was fun but crash course of 15 minutes at 6AM in the morning did not make me a good silk-screener. =.=!

Not by me. =.=! By Fadzil. Design was by Sathom and Julianto. Psst.. If you guys want it, order from us kay?? Support us for Our Graduation Campaign!

Handmade clay accessories. There were a lot of nice ones. Will post them up asap! If you like it, order from us too!

I have no way to describe how delicious this is. I went around giving ppl samples but I ended up eating a whole bunch of them.

Scenario that happened:

Me : Hi! Wanna try our brownies? It's free!
People : Okay.
Me : Do you like it? Support us kay?
*Turned around, stole one piece. *
Imagine me doing that for 20 times laaaaa!
*Reached my own stall. Members look at me.
Michelle : Cheeeeeen! Why do you look like you were eating them??
*Wipe mouth*
Me : Where got???
Nesia : Got! What kind of president this?
*Everyone laughed*
Chen : Fine! Fine! I shall not stand up to this temptation. You guys go round lah!

Our geeky secretary Samantha Ng!

Attempts to sell our theory of E=MC and notebooks by being a nerd. 0.o!

Yeahar! Very good indeed~ (Michelle Junia)

Elvina set as a model to attract caricature customers.

Plain pages Notebooks designed by our students. As usual, will give you guys more choices. If you like it, let us know kay?? Hard sell nyer. Hahahaha!

Our Caricature artist. Prakash, Chong Huan and Julianto. The King wasn't there. (Abdullah)

Our very own chef with a degree in culinary art, Yoshiki. His brownies are to die for.

The pool area.

Oh, another kena marah picture.

Ehehehehe!

PHOTOS were taken by our Photographer, Nian Xing.

BUT... post mortem time with some outsider made feel so upset and demoralized. I was already very stressed up by internal problems in my own board. Now I have to faced some people who think that we are small kiddos. That is what I felt la. But I was born to be really courteous. I don't speak my mind just like that. I just listened. I was so freakin stressed already la. Then suddenly dad called. I went off to pick up the calls. I heard his voice only, I started breaking down and cried. I guess I just felt so vulnerable when I heard my dad's voice la. He asked what's wrong and all. I dunnoe what to say la. I think I was tired and demoralized. And I haven't been sleeping enough for almost 3 days straight. Plus, I didn't eat the whole day. AND they have to demoralize my team and drag the meeting even though we had a long day already. I just felt very frustrated. After that call, I went back up and then mom called. Alamak... Cried again...she lectured me and asked me to drop the president post. But to bail out just like that is just not me la. Then the 3rd time, she called again. She said she wants me to come up with a schedule for my sleeping and eating time. =.=!

Anyway... sigh... I had fun UNTIL the demoralizing post mortem. Came back home started to emo and prayed so hard. Slept at around 12AM. Woke up at 7.15AM and went off to the 2nd day of bazaar. Sathom, Zheng, Zaf, Abdullah and I were supposed to stay half a day but Sathom ended staying until 4.30PM. Zaf and I stayed the full day. We reached home at 9PM just now. It was fun today cos we tried to attract the crowds from the roads. Ehehehee... When the pics are out, I'll post them up.

VERY TIRING but FUN. (minus the very emo night I had on Sat)

I skipped church this week. I am really sorry. Really really sorry. No excuse at all I know. Sigh.

Another long day tomorrow. T_T

-chen-
[11.28PM]